I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
