he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
