You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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