I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
nutella sex= disaster
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
