i just had sex bonerless
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
