Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
