i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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