Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
