I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Green mimosas i think yes
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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