i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Randomize
