we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
