I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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