I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
