I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
