...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
