you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
