Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
