o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
