Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
foreskin is a definite game changer
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
