What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Ladies don't puke and tell
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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