"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
