what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
