In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
