Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
