i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
