I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
