I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
