Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
