from now on my penis is your penis
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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