ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
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