it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Acid is not a monday night drug
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
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