Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
