Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
