It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
