Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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