i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
