it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
