You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
