We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
