I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
do herpes really smell.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
