Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
