what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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