You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
