I just cut my nipple shaving
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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