remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
