I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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