just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
how does that bad decision feel?
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