Whoa Z and x make the same sound
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
