ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
