We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
