R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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