you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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