We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
