every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
