I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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