Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
